Until The Next Goodbye
by xMissWeasley11x
Summary: "That was the last time I saw James Potter for a very long time." After James decides he needs to 'rediscover himself,' Lily finds that it may be harder than it looks to wait for him. But when she finally sees him again, will things ever be the same?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything affiliated with **_**Harry Potter**_**; it all belongs to the wondrous J.K. Rowling!**

Prologue:

It had been cold that spring night, so cold that even with the fire warming the common room I had to put on one of his sweatshirts to ensure that I didn't freeze. I suppose I should have thought of it as a warning of some sorts, but I was so blissfully ignorant then. I was sitting on the couch, hoping that the mug of hot chocolate I was holding would bring back the feeling in my numb fingers. It was about ten and I was patiently waiting for him to come down so we could engage in our weekly 'cuddle sessions' as he liked to call them. I personally thought the name was absolutely ridiculous, but whatever made him happy. He had just come in from a patrol and gone upstairs to change. I wondered what could have been taking him so long because all he usually did was toss his clothes on the floor and pull on his pajamas. _Maybe he's brushing his teeth, _I thought_. _Although, I suppose I would have heard the water running…

"You alright up there?" I called.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be down in a minute." he called back. Something in his voice was off. It wasn't full of the love and happiness I could usually hear; it almost sounded… broken. _It's probably nothing, I bet he came across some Slytherins and is just tired,_ I thought in a feeble attempt to reassure myself. I curled my knees up to my chest and took a small sip of my cozy drink, letting my eyes linger on the dancing flames of the fire. Ever since I was little I had always been fascinated with the way a fire would look in a dimly lit room, casting delicate shadows on the walls. My mother always joked that it was because the fire and my hair had the same fiery brightness to it; my hair had been a bright apple red until I was around twelve. Now it had darkened to a deep auburn, a few brighter streaks appearing every once in a while. My eyes had remained as green as ever, shining like emeralds whenever the light caught them right. To him, I was perfect. To him, I wasn't a "walking, talking Christmas tree" in the words of my beloved sister, Petunia. That was one thing that had attracted me to him; he liked me the way I was, I didn't have to change.

As I fished for one of the melting marshmallows floating around in my chocolaty drink, I could hear him beginning to descend the stairs, jumping over the last three as he had done since he was eleven. I looked up and smiled at the almost-man before me, black hair tousled to imperfection and full lips stretched into a wide grin.

"Hey, Lily. I've missed you," he said as he kissed me on the head, plopping himself down next to me and putting my legs in his lap.

"It's only been ten minutes, James." I said teasingly.

"The longest ten minutes of my life!" he shot back playfully, though when I looked at him he seemed different. I searched his hazel eyes, noticing that they appeared almost hollow. The warmth that usually made them glow was merely a flicker. I squinted at him with concern, as if to say "Are you alright?" but he just pulled me closer, my head resting on his chest. We stayed like this for the better part of an hour. Again I got the feeling that something just wasn't right. He wasn't usually this quiet. He would always have some story to share, whether it was about the latest prank he and the boys were planning or a fight he had broken up during his patrol. I reached my hand up and traced his face gently, gazing up at him through my long lashes.

"Is there something wrong, James?" I asked quietly, trying my hardest to keep the worry out of my voice. He stroked my hair, glancing down at me quickly then focusing his gaze on the tapestry above the fireplace.

"Everything's fine Lils. You worry too much." He smiled slightly and I knew that he was hoping I would just believe him like any other girlfriend would. But I wasn't any other girlfriend. I sat up, twisting around so that I was half straddling him. I looped my arms around his neck and looked at him pointedly. He sighed, knowing the battle had been won and to whom the prize was going to. Placing his hands near my hips, he unexpectedly pulled me in for a hug. Normally I wouldn't have minded, but this hug felt weird, and the fact that I couldn't put my finger on why scared me. This hug was filled with a mix of sorrow and passion, and when he pulled back to kiss me, it was the same. Against my will, tears started forming in my eyes.

"James, what's going on? Something's not right; I can feel it." I said, shakily running my fingers through his messy hair. He dipped his head so that he was buried in the crook of my neck. I could feel him taking deep breaths, mumbling something I couldn't quite catch.

"What was that?" I asked. He pulled his head up and looked at me, eyes full of that same sadness.

"I think we should take a break," he said cautiously, slowly, searching me for a reaction. I was numb again. I could only think of one thing:

"Why?"

"I just feel like we rushed into this way too fast. One minute we were good friends, the next we were all over each other, unable to get enough." I stared at him, dumbfounded. What was he trying to say? He sighed again, taking my hands in his. I noticed that mine were ice-cold.

"Lily, I love you, you know I do. I would do anything for you. You mean more to me than any girl ever has."

"Then why?" I pleaded, broken. "I just need to understand, that's all. Please."I whispered that last part, my voice threatening to give.

"I need some time to myself. Some time away. Not just from you, from everyone." By everyone, I knew he meant his friends. "We have a month left here, and once we graduate I'm going abroad. As cheesy as it sounds, I need to find myself again. This war has been hard on me." James' parents, the invincible Potters, had died in battle a month earlier and he was still coping. I respected his wish, I did. What I couldn't comprehend was why I couldn't come with him. As they say, two heads are always better than one. I opened my mouth to ask, but James put a finger to my lips.

"I know what you're going to ask. You're wondering why you can't come with me." I nodded, feeling like a small child again. He chuckled quietly before continuing. "It's for the same reason that I'm not taking the boys. No offense Lily, but you would only distract me. Not in a bad way of course, I love seeing your beautiful face every day. I just wouldn't be able to focus on finding _me_ again without a completely fresh start." He looked at me apologetically then averted his gaze toward the fire. I took my hands from his and put them on either side of his face, forcing him to look at me.

"I understand," I whispered softly. He looked slightly surprised but also grateful. "I may not like it," I continued, "but I understand." I brought his face toward mine, kissing him slowly and lovingly, cherishing every moment. He leaned his forehead against mine.

"Thank you, Lily. You don't know how much this means to me. And I don't want you to think this is the last time we'll be together. I just-"

"Don't know when you'll be seeing me again. Or anyone for that matter, right?" I finished, smiling sadly.

"Yeah, exactly." he said.

I then wrapped him in a hug, not wanting to let go but knowing that I had to.

"I love you, James Potter. So much." I said quietly, kissing him on the forehead. His eyes met mine, glistening slightly with small tears.

"I love you to Lily Evans, always." he replied. I grasped his hand, pulling him up so we could go upstairs to bed. At the entrances to our respective dorms, I hugged him tightly.

"I love you!" I mouthed one more time as I made my way into my room, catching a glimpse of his smile before shutting the door.

That was the last time I saw James Potter for a very long time.

When I woke up, he was gone, as I expected. He had requested his room be switched back to the one that had been his home the last six years, presumably so that he could say goodbye to his friends, his brothers. I realized I was still wearing his sweatshirt. As I brought the soft fabric up to my face, becoming lost in his familiar scent, I vowed right then and there that I would wait for James Potter, no matter how long it took him to come back.

**A/N: This story kind of came to me one night as I was listening to my iPod. I feel like my writing career has consisted of mostly one-shots; I'm debating on whether or not I want to make this a chapter story and I think I do. Let me know what you think by posting a review; I'll most likely post the next chapter in a couple of days. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Chapter 1

The next time I saw James Potter was purely by accident; mind you it wasn't even in the flesh. I had been walking through Diagon Alley on my way to meet my best friend Alice Longbottom for our weekly get-together at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor. I was running late, (I was supposed to meet her at 2:00 and it was nearing 2:30) weaving as fast as I could through the throngs of people hurrying to get their supplies for the new year at Hogwarts. It was late August of the next year, a little over a year since I had last seen James. As I rounded the corner near a newspaper stand, I stopped dead in my tracks. I turned, squinting at the paper before me to ensure that what I was seeing was real. There, plastered on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_, was James' face. He had on a giant grin, holding a bag of what looked like gold coins in one arm and a child in the other. A fair amount of children were gathered around him, their small faces smiling up at him. The headline read: **YOUNG POTTER DONATES INCREDIBLE FUND TO ORPHANED CHILDREN**.

"Miss? Miss? Are you going to buy the newspaper or stand there staring at it all day? I have other customers you know!" I turned at the voice, not realizing that I had been staring at the paper for the past ten minutes. I heard a few angry coughs behind me. I whirled around and noticed that I was also holding up a line of about fifteen people. I quickly grabbed a paper and paid for it, muttering a small apology before taking off for the parlor. When I got there, Alice was, predictably, not there. I shook my head and smiled; no matter how late I thought I was she always seemed to beat me.

Taking advantage of the few moments I had to myself, I spread the paper out on the wrought-iron table in order to study it better. As I scanned the picture, I noticed my eyes immediately locked on James. He almost looked the same, but not quite. The light had come back to his eyes and his picture-self kept glancing down at the child in his arms, almost lovingly. The kids surrounding him were looking at him in awe, as if he was a god that had done them a great deed. And I guess he had in a way. According to the article, James had taken a good chunk of his inheritance from the bank a few weeks after school had ended. He then traveled around the world as he had said he would, visiting mostly the underprivileged countries and their orphanages. I was so caught up in the article that I didn't notice that Alice had arrived.

"What's that?" I heard her ask sharply. Startled, I took the paper and shoved it under my chair. I grinned at her innocently.

"Hey, Ally! How've you been?"

"Don't you 'Hey Ally' me. What is that under your chair?" She eyed my chair and me suspiciously. I decided to play dumb.

"Oh, you mean this?" I reached under the chair and took the crumpled paper in my hand. "This was just something my boss gave me to edit after work, nothing important." I said lightly, hoping to God she wouldn't catch my lie. I had always been a bad liar. Unfortunately, having Alice as a best friend had its disadvantages.

"Right. Give it here Lily." She smirked at me, sticking out her hand. I sighed and reluctantly put the paper in her hands. She smoothed it out on the table and I watched her face as she scanned through the article. Her eyes widened a bit and I heard her mutter "So this is what he's been doing all this time." Alice was the only one I talked to about what James had told me. I told my other girlfriends that he was going to some fancy Auror conference to honor his parents and wouldn't be back for a while. Luckily they bought it and I wasn't subdued to their constant questioning. Alice finished reading and looked at me curiously.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, aren't you surprised at all?" she replied.

"Of course not! James is a good person, it's only right that he would want to…" I trailed off at the look Alice was giving me, the look that said 'I-can-see-through-your-bullshit-and-you're-better-off-telling-me-the-truth.' I glared at her and she laughed, knowing she'd gotten her way.

"Okay, fine. I honestly didn't expect the whole 'I need time to find myself' thing to mean that he was going to do something right in the world. I figured that he would be out partying every night and getting his hands on whatever girl he wanted. That's the James Potter I knew for six years and I just assumed the habit would resurface once he left." I spilled out. I felt oddly better getting all of that off my chest, but also a little guilty, like I was betraying James. Alice looked at me sympathetically, reaching across the small table to pat my hand. I didn't mind because she knew how hard this had been on me.

The morning after he left, I went down to the Great Hall feeling absolutely furious. It hurt that he didn't want me to come with him and I suppose that was why I was angry. I regrettably took all my anger out on the people closest to me, especially Alice. She later paid a visit to my dorm, where I had completely broken down, sobbing so hard I couldn't even begin to tell her what had happened. She had sat with me that whole night, rubbing my back and telling me that it would be okay and everything would work out, even though she didn't know what the hell was going on. I had always been grateful to have her as a friend, but never as much as I had that night.

Allowing my mind to wander back to those painful memories brought unexpected tears to my eyes. Alice, being the perceptive person she is, quickly changed the subject.

"So, how's your internship? Written any stories?" Alice asked conversationally while looking at the parlor's specials for the day. After school ended, the chief editor at the _Daily Prophet_ had approached me about a small internship they were offering. I figured that I might as well accept since I had nothing else planned for the summer. I ended up enjoying it so much that I signed on for a second internship.

"It's wonderful. I haven't had a chance to write any big stories yet, but I've helped in the editing process and choosing pictures and such. Mr. Barkworth, the one who offered me the job, is currently offering me a full-time position." I said with a touch of hesitance at the end. Alice seemed to hear it too because she glanced up at me curiously.

"You don't sound that excited. If I were you I'd accept it right away! Think about it Lily; you'd be the first to know about all the things happening with the Death Eaters. You could really use that to your advantage." Alice said with a glow in her eyes. I shook my head.

"That's the exact reason why I _wouldn't_ take the job. The way I see it, the _Daily Prophet _would be the first thing Voldemort would send his Death Eaters to destroy. Have you ever heard of a Dark Wizard that wanted the whole world knowing what he was doing at all times? I know I haven't." I had been thinking about this ever since I got the offer, and the more I thought about it the more I knew I'd be better off becoming an Auror. Yes the Death Eaters would probably be after me just as much, if not more than the _Prophet_, but at least I would have had the proper training in order to defend myself.

"Well I think it would be fun." Alice said as she made her way into the shop to order our ice creams. When she came back, she had a puzzled look on her face. "Hey Lily, you know how you work at the _Prophet_?"

I stared at her blankly. "Uh, Alice? Were we not just talking about this a few minutes ago?"

"Oh, shut it. I _mean _wouldn't you have seen that story about James before it went to the printer? It just seems odd that this is the first time you're hearing about it."

"Hmmm," I said thoughtfully. What she said did make sense. "I suppose I could have been in the back room editing a different section the day it was made. And no one there ever really knew James and I were together anyway, so they wouldn't have thought to tell me." It was also plausible that I was so tired I didn't even notice there was a story about him; the internship was more exhausting than it looked.

I was finishing the last of my strawberry ice cream when Alice jumped up.

"I completely forgot I was supposed to meet Frank this afternoon! We were going to dinner with some of his family and he wanted to talk to me beforehand. Apparently one of his cousins was attacked by a fire crab while on vacation and Frank wants to make sure I'm prepared to come face-to-face with the injuries." She rolled her eyes as if she thought it was all very silly (and it kind of was, Alice was the least judgmental person I knew).

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" I asked her while gathering up my belongings.

"Yes, 6:00pm sharp. We'll meet at the Leaky Cauldron and go from there." Alice replied hurriedly. Our friend Marlene was having a small reunion at the Three Broomsticks. It would be the first time I'd seen anyone since school ended; she, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Frank would be there, to name a few.

"Alright, bye!" I said, giving her a quick hug and letting her be on her way. I started the walk back to the apartment I had bought about a month after school ended. I wondered if it would be hard to see James' old friends after so long. I hadn't really kept in touch with them since he left; James was sort of the connecting line between us. Don't get me wrong, I was beyond excited to see them; I was just afraid of how we would all react to each other with James being gone.

As I neared my apartment, I heard the shuffling of feet behind me. Taking my wand from my pocket I whirled around, ready to defend myself if I needed to. I scanned the area but all I saw were trees and a couple buildings. I turned back around but kept my wand out just in case. I was walking up the stairs when I heard it again.

"There's no sense in hiding! I will come find you!" I called out, sounding a lot braver than I felt. Again no one was there. _I must be tired, it's been a long day and my mind is just playing tricks on me_, I thought in an attempt to calm myself. I reached into my other pocket for my keys and unlocked the door.

I didn't even get a chance to put my things down before a pair of arms grabbed me around my waist.

**A/N: Sneaky little cliffy there, eh? If I get enough reviews maybe you'll get to see what happens sooner! Thank you all who reviewed the first time; I smiled at every one! **


	3. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing.**

My elbow met something soft as I shoved it back into my offender. I instinctively turned around with my wand in my hand, my bags strewn across the floor. I couldn't see the attacker's face as whoever it was had their head bent down low in pain. I watched them warily, and as their hand came up to grab me I found my knee forcefully making contact with their groin. With a loud grunt, they keeled over on the floor in a fetal position. _Well, I can be sure of one thing. This is definitely a guy, _I thought, as no kick to the groin would ever cause a girl _that _much pain. I cast a quick spell, causing the man on the floor to be bound in ropes. I quickly pushed aside my bags and dragged him into the small living area. As I did so, I heard a slight crunching noise but didn't think anything of it. Checking to make sure the ropes were still tightly bound, I used my foot to roll him over so that I could see his face. What I saw shocked me beyond words.

"J-_James?_" I shrieked. I dropped to the floor, desperately trying to undo the ropes that prevented him from moving. From my position, I could see James glance up at me best he could.

"Are you a witch or what, Lily?" he groaned.

"What? Why would you ask me that? I went to bloody school with you for 7 years!" I snapped, still trying to undo the ropes, albeit unsuccessfully.

"Your wand, Lily." James replied exasperatedly, as though he had had to tell me this many times before.

"My wand? What about my-" Oh. He was trying to tell me I could use my wand. Score one for Lily. I stopped attempting to undo the ropes by hand and groped around for my wand on the floor. I located it a little above James' head and muttered a quick charm. The ropes fell apart, freeing James. He grunted in pain as he tried to sit up. I leaned down and, using all the strength I could muster, pulled him up onto the couch. I propped many pillows up on either side of him to ensure that he didn't suddenly fall over.

"How- how are you feeling?" I asked meekly, gingerly sitting next to him. James shot me a look that could have withered a plant like that. I cast my eyes downward, wringing my hands in my lap. He really didn't have to make me feel worse than I already did.

"How do you think I feel, Lily? I come back, hoping to surprise you at your apartment, and all I get is an elbow in the stomach and a kick in the groin! Not exactly the welcome I imagined." James said angrily. At his words, something sparked in me that I hadn't felt in a while. I realized it was the feeling I would always get before James and I would have one of our famous rows. And boy, was he going to get it.

"Well how do you think I bloody feel? I come home to a stranger wrapping his arms around me when just minutes before I thought that a Death Eater had followed me home. You can't exactly expect me to be welcoming when you absolutely know you shouldn't have snuck up on me like that. This isn't a friendly time we live in, James, and being a Muggle-born I am much more prone to an attack than you are! If the Death Eaters decided to pay a visit, I'm not sure how well I'd be able to fight them off, no matter how skilled I may be." I spat at him, standing up and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Lily, I-" he began, but I cut him off before he could finish.

"Don't talk to me right now, Potter. And don't even think about apologizing, or- or saying you missed me or any of that rubbish." I glared at him. "You think you can leave… you think you can leave me here all by myself for a bloody year and expect everything to be the same once you got back? Did you expect me to snog you senseless the moment I saw you? I really hope not, because that is the absolute last thing I want to do right now." I was pacing back and forth, suddenly to angry to even sit. I glanced at James. He was sitting with his arms stretched across the back of the couch, an eerily calm look on his face and a small smirk playing at his lips. This only made me angrier.

"How can you sit there like that? You're acting as though you have no remorse for not contacting me at all during that year! I know you said you needed time to yourself, but I didn't think that meant you wouldn't even write to me! I'm not saying that I expected a letter from you every week, but just one would have been nice. What hurts the most is that I had to find out from a bloody newspaper clipping that you were okay. Not you, the news. I suppose it was too much to ask that you write me a small something so that I at least knew you were safe. I waited for you, James. I promised myself I would if it was the last thing I did." I stopped pacing and stood in front of him, angry tears threatening to spill over onto my face. "I only hope that you did the same."

James looked at me for a moment, as though contemplating what he should do next. As strange as it sounds, I suddenly grew uncomfortable under his gaze. I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for him to spit out whatever he had to say. He continued to stare at me curiously and I finally exploded.

"What are you looking at? I just poured my heart out to you and all you can do is stare at me? I can't handle this. I'll be right back." I said, making my way to my bedroom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James beginning to stand up. I quickly turned around and pointed a finger at the couch.

"Sit down. Don't touch anything and don't go anywhere. Like I said, I'll be right back." I hissed at him. James slowly sat back down, a flicker of fear crossing his face. I stalked into my bedroom and slammed the door shut. I resumed my pacing as the tears finally spilled over, splashing onto the hardwood floor. I don't even know why I'm so angry!

_It's because he's been gone a long time. You weren't prepared to see him yet._

I suppose that was why. Ugh, why did he have to do this? I swear I would have been fine if he had just written to me first, at least warning me that he was planning on coming back soon! I wonder if his friends knew. I assume he would have told them before anyone else, especially Sirius. They were closer than any of me and my friends were, even Alice.

Alice… Sirius… Marlene! Marlene's party was tonight! Bloody hell, what am I supposed to do? Do I take James with me or leave him? If he hasn't told anyone that he'd be back today then it'll be a right shock if he just shows up at a reunion he wasn't even invited to. I'm sure Marlene would have invited him, but no one knew when he would be back so I guess she hadn't bothered. Unless James had secretly been in contact with Sirius and Sirius told Marlene to invite him and she hadn't thought to tell me…

I put my fingers to my temples and rubbed them slowly. All of this panicked thinking was giving me a headache. _I suppose I better go back out there and sort some of this out. _I hastily changed into a loose t-shirt and a pair of sweats; I didn't feel the need to look pretty, it was just James. I swung open the door and cautiously walked back to the living room. James was as I had left him, but the few magazines I had on the coffee table were slightly out of order. I shook my head and smiled slightly before curling up in a chair across from James. He looked at me and I could tell he was preparing himself for another Lily-outburst. Lucky for him my energy had gone out the door and exhaustion was setting in. I gave him a small smile and raised my eyebrows to let him know that it was okay for him to talk. He sighed and ran his hand through his messy hair.

"Look, Lily. I'm sorry I didn't warn you I was coming back. Sirius thought that-" James abruptly cut himself off, eyes wide in shock. "I- I mean-"

"Sirius knew?" I said quietly, hurt lacing my voice. Against my will tears formed in my green eyes once again.

"Uhm, yeah. He knew. I've been in contact with him on and off the whole year. You know he's like a brother to me; I couldn't completely cut off ties with him. And between you and me, he doesn't even know that I came back today. I only told him that I'd be back sometime this month, but not exactly when." James told me, looking at me sheepishly. I guess there wasn't really anything to hold against him as I worked out for myself that he had probably been in correspondence with Sirius.

"I understand," I said softly. "I figured as much. Have you been in touch with Remus and Peter as well?"

"No," James said with a touch of guilt in his voice.

"I have one more question for you. Did you hear that Marlene was having a party? Did Sirius tell you?"

"He did tell me, but he didn't think I'd be back in time. He said I'm welcome to come, though. Is it today?"

"Yeah, it's at 6," I said, glancing at the clock above the fireplace as I did. It was about four now so I had two hours to get ready. I looked back at James, wondering if we should go together or not. On one hand, it would surely surprise everybody there. However, I guess it will be a surprise no matter how he shows up. I was about to ask James this when he beat me to it.

"So… d'you think we should go together? Or that I should go at all? I'm not really sure." James said quietly; I could hear the slight nervousness in his voice.

"I was just thinking the same thing. I suppose we _could_ go together. You can stop by wherever you're staying to get changed then come back here so we can go. But, James?"

"Yeah?"

"I was wondering… is it possible if we just went as… well, friends? It's just that with you being away for a whole year, it feels weird jumping right back into a relationship, y'know?" I said a bit scared of how he was going to react. I had thought about this moment quite a lot and came to the conclusion that I really didn't want to rush back into things. That's basically how our relationship at Hogwarts began. The tension of six years kind of exploded and we skipped the whole 'dating' thing and went right into the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' stage. I wanted to do it right this time.

"That's fine. I understand. I mean, I waited six years for you, Lily. I think I can wait a little longer." James said jokingly, although I could sense he was a little sad at what I suggested. I smiled and got up from my seat, James copying my moves. We made our way to the door together; I wanted so badly to reach for his hand but that would essentially go against everything I had just said. I turned to face him in the doorway and he did the same.

"It is really nice to see you again, James. I've really missed you." I gave him a little half-smile, which he returned happily.

"It's good to see you too, Lils. I'll meet you back here around 5:45? Then we can apparate right to the party."

"Sounds perfect." I said. Then, hoping I wasn't crossing any of the boundaries we had just set, I stood on tiptoe and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. I could sense he was a bit hesitant at first, but then his arms made their way around my waist and his warm body was pressed against mine. I let out a small sigh of content and James chuckled.

"Friends do this, right?" he asked, a smile evident in his voice.

"Of course they do, I hug Alice all the time!" I said.

"Ah, but do you always sigh when you hug Alice?" James asked. I pulled back slightly and saw that he was smirking. I glared at him in a joking way and swatted his arm playfully.

"You know what I mean. Now get going or we'll be late!" I said, giving him a slight push out the door. Once he had left, I closed the door and slid down so that my back was pressed against the hard wood. In a way I was very happy he was back, but I also felt a little scared. What if he left again? Just because he did it once doesn't mean he won't do it again. Although, judging by the photograph in the _Prophet_, I think I can honestly say he's found himself like he meant to. With that thought in mind, I made my way back to my bedroom to get ready for tonight.

When James knocked on my door at precisely 5:45, it was with nervousness that I opened it. I know I had just seen him an hour or two before, but I still felt the flutters of a girl with a crush.

"Wow. You look… amazing." James said, mouth slightly open as he looked at my outfit. I had chosen a simple dark green dress, tight around the top and tapering off toward the knee. Every time I moved it flowed and shimmered, changing from green to blue to gold depending on the light. I had paired it with flats and a small clutch. I wanted to keep my hair as simple as possible, letting it fall in natural waves down my back. I took James' distraction as a chance to look him up and down. He was wearing a black blazer with a tan t-shirt visible beneath it. His dark jeans complimented him very well and his hair had not changed since I had last seen him.

"You're not so bad yourself," I said. I reached my hand up and put it in his hair as an attempt to flatten it a bit but it wouldn't budge.

"C'mon Lily, leave it be. You know that it doesn't change. It really has a mind of its own." James said grinning.

"Well, we should be on our way, it's nearly six! Shall we?" I said, offering him my arm.

"We shall," he replied. We walked out of my apartment and I locked the door behind me. We made our way to a small alley across the way.

"The Leaky Cauldron, correct?" James asked, glancing down at me.

"Yup," I said. "On the count of three. One…"

"Two…"

"Three." We said together and I felt the familiar pull on my navel as we were sucked in, grasping each other tightly. I felt my feet touch the ground and I looked up. We had landed just outside of the dark building and I suddenly felt very nervous. I snuck a peek over at James and saw that he too was fidgeting a bit. I took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"It'll be fine. Ready?" I said with what I hoped was a reassuring voice.

James took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. "Ready."

We walked hand in hand toward the door and I let go to open it. _Here goes nothing_.

**A/N: Slight cliffy? I think so! I'm sorry I've neglected to update. At first I told myself it was because I wanted to wait until **_**Deathly Hallows**_** came out and once that passed, I was just being lazy :D I really wanted to get this chapter up today because I'll be very busy this week and won't have access to a computer. I hope that this chapter holds you over until I return! Reviews are lovely :]**


	4. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: I own nada.**

**JPOV**

When we walked into the shabby yet crowded building, the first thing I heard was "JAMES!"

The next thing I knew I had been tackled to the floor for the second time this evening.

"Oof… hello, Sirius." I said, all while trying to get Sirius' meticulously groomed hair out of my face. It smelled suspiciously like woman's hair product, but I wasn't too surprised. Our first night at Hogwarts, Sirius had pulled out oddly colored containers from his bag. He explained that he had bought them from a Muggle store and that women traditionally used them, but if he was "going to win over the ladies of Hogwarts one by one" he had to look good. Hey, his words, not mine!

"I can't believe you're here! We didn't think you'd be coming." Sirius got up off the floor and held out a hand to help me up. I took it, wincing as the bruises that I had acquired earlier reappeared. Shaking my hair out of my eyes and straightening my glasses, I looked around the small pub at the smiling faces of my friends. Alice and Frank were hand in hand in a corner with Marlene. Remus and Peter were making their way toward Sirius, Lily, and I from the bar. I felt a small tug at my sleeve and glanced over to see Lily gesturing that she was going to go and sit with Alice. I made to go with her, but she laid a hand on my arm and whispered, "Why don't you go say hello to your friends? I'll just wait over here, okay?" She gave my arm a light squeeze and quietly moved near the table. It was nice that she knew I might want to be alone with the guys for a minute. After all, I hadn't seen or spoken to them (minus Sirius) in over a year.

"It's good to see you again, Prongs." Remus greeted me cheerfully, gripping my hand and pulling me into one of those "man-hugs."

"Yes, James. We've all missed you!" Peter's squeaky voice echoed.

"It's great to see all of you, really. I suppose we have a lot to catch up on?" I looked at each of them in turn.

Sirius nodded. "Loads, mate. But how about we do it over drinks? OI, MARLENE!"

Marlene turned and raised an eyebrow at Sirius. "Yes, O Quiet One?"

"I think it's time to get this party started!" Sirius replied, grinning cheekily. Marlene rolled her eyes but nevertheless made her way over to us with Alice, Frank, and Lily in tow.

"James! It's so good to see you!" Marlene said, leaning in for a hug. I hugged her back, glancing at Lily momentarily but there was no trace of jealousy across her face. I won't lie, I was a bit disappointed. She had to still have feelings for me, right?

"It's good to see you too, Marlene. And you, Alice and Frank!" I said. I shook Frank's hand and hugged Alice as well before Sirius clapped me on the shoulder and practically dragged me to the brick wall that separated us from Diagon Alley.

"Alright Prongs, will you please do us the honor of opening the gateway that leads to a great night full of drinks, girls, and wild-" I cut Sirius off with a smack on the head.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Sirius. This is Marlene's party, not some crazy common room party we arranged last minute. And don't forget, we're only going this way so that we can stop at Gringotts for money first. I highly doubt that the goblins will be too excited about getting 'down and dirty' with you." I laughed.

This little comment earned me a hard punch in the arm from Sirius. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just tap the damn bricks." he said.

I rolled my eyes and raised my wand, tapping the bricks into the pattern I had seen my parents perform many times before.

**LPOV**

The 'party' (or small get-together, really) had been in full swing for about two hours now. Sirius had successfully made his way through every drink available on the menu. He had also accomplished kissing nearly every girl in the room, including a particularly gnarled looking hag, but Sirius was so drunk that he hadn't even noticed he had been snogging her wart.

"Eh.. Liiily… _why_ is that old (hiccup) woman staring at me?" Sirius slurred at me, staggering over from his perch on the counter. I smirked at him and patted his arm gently.

"Sirius, dear, I think it's best you don't know."

"Welllll okay! If you say so, Lily-flower." He grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey from the table behind us and sauntered over to Marlene. I chuckled at the old nickname. I remember absolutely hating it when he first called me that back in 5th year, but the circumstances were different now; I hadn't just been doused in green goo minutes before by a certain James Potter, who had insisted it was meant for Snape and that I had just happened to walk into the Great Hall at the wrong time. Luckily for me, that was the last time anything like that ever happened (from what I know) as I had given James detention for the rest of the school year, as well as talking with Professor McGonagall about allowing James clean the Slytherin common room every night instead of the house elves. Ah, the memories.

"Rosmerta, m'dear. How about a little… a little music, perhaps?" Sirius drawled at the attractive inn keeper. Rosmerta, well accustomed to Sirius' antics, rolled her eyes and gave a flick of her wand. The room was instantly filled with loud music and people everywhere (apart from the older customers) were getting up out of their chairs to dance. I was very content sitting at my small table watching everyone have a good time. I had never really been one for dancing anyway; I always felt that I would somehow or other make a big fool of myself. My bubble burst, however, when James found his way to my table.

"LILY! WOULD YOU CARE TO DANCE?" he shouted at me. I winced and covered his mouth with my hand.

"There's no need to yell at me, James. I can hear you quite fine!"

"OH, sorry. I'll quiet down. Would you like to dance with me? Great!" He quickly grabbed my hand before I even had the chance to form an answer.

"James, wait! You know how I feel about dancing!" I poked him hard, hoping it would jog his memory a bit. In fourth year, he and his comrades threw a party after a particularly gruesome win against the Slytherins. I say gruesome because more than half of the opposing team was sent to the hospital wing bearing several different injuries, one of which included an ear the size of an elephant's. Anyway, James had a bit _too _much fun over near the drinks table and pulled me from my spot on the couch where I had been happily immersed in one of the Muggle books I had brought from home. Let me put it lightly: you do not disturb Lily Evans whilst she is reading. Thus, James earned himself a nice kick in the groin and some quality time with the Slytherins in the hospital wing.

Evidently, my poke in the arm hadn't jogged his memory one bit, as I was now being twirled around and around the floor.

"James… James, please! You're making me sick!"

"Oh lighten up, Lily! Here, have a firewhiskey!" James thrust the bottle in my face and I reluctantly took it. I suppose if I was going to have to endure this experience with James, I might as well help myself along. I took a healthy swig from the bottle and my insides instantly burned pleasantly. I could get used to this.

As the night wore on, I noticed I was loosening up a bit more. I was actually enjoying myself out on the dance floor, much to everyone's surprise. It was nearing midnight and only Alice and Frank had left as they had to meet with Alice's parents for breakfast in the morning. Most of the usual crowd had left too, leaving me, James, Sirius, Marlene, Remus, and a knocked out Peter. Peter never took his drinks well and after only one firewhiskey he was out cold in a corner. At the moment, Marlene and I were dancing with each other while the boys were talking at another table. I could only assume they were talking about everything that had happened since James had left, although I wasn't sure how much of it was true as they were all pretty drunk.

"This party was an absolute fantastic idea, Marlene. I'm so happy we did this." I said, taking a sip of the butterbeer in my hand. While I had no problem staying out late and then getting up early for work, I couldn't stand the thought of coming in drunk. Even if I had a potion to help, I would still feel like rubbish.

"Thanks, Lils. I can't believe James made it! None of us were expecting him; it was such a nice surprise." I blushed at the mention of James' name, but I don't think Marlene noticed or she surely would have called me out on it. That's not to say that she didn't know about our relationship in school, but I hadn't told anybody except Alice that I still had strong feelings for James.

As we were heading back to the boys' table, a bell tinkled overhead, signaling that someone had just entered the bar. I turned my head to see who it was and I let out a squeal of delight.

"AMOS!" I shrieked, and I ran up to the brown-haired boy to give him a big hug. After James left and I got my job at the paper, Amos and I had become very close. He was one of my best guy friends, next to Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"Lily, hey! What are you doing here this late?" He smiled down at me warmly. I hadn't seen him in about three months, as I had just been swamped with work and his job was keeping him busy as well.

"Oh, Marlene threw a small thing together so we could all catch up with each other! And then it was such a surprise, because James-" I abruptly stopped speaking at the look on Amos' face. He had gone a strange white color and I glanced in the direction he was looking to see James standing up, broken glass around his feet and a look of fury in his eyes.

"James, what-?"

"You said you waited for me, Lily. You promised me that you did. And I believed you. Bloody hell, I BELIEVED YOU LILY."

"No, James, wait. You have it all-"

"Obviously, I was wrong in thinking that we could be together again." James strode toward the door, not looking at me, not talking to me. All I could do was stare after him as he slammed the door. My arms sank away from Amos. My body felt heavy as I went to pick up my purse and coat, quietly saying thank you to Marlene as I exited the pub.

I couldn't believe it. James, in his drunken state (though I was led to believe he had sobered up a bit during his little speech), made the absolutely ridiculous assumption that I was in a relationship with Amos. I had never even thought of him in that way! Tears littered my face as I apparated back to my apartment. I changed out of my dress clothes into a comfy pair of sweats and curled up on the couch in front of the fireplace.

For the second time in my life, I had lost James Potter.

**A/N: Hey, guys! I am deeply sorry I haven't updated in a while. This chapter had been sitting on my computer for weeks because I couldn't think of what to do with their relationship. But obviously I became inspired because here is this chapter before you! I know it's a bit shorter than last time, but it's still great if I do say s myself :D Reviews make me happy and you're free to suggest anything you think might make the story better; I will definitely take it into account!**


	5. Preview  Chapter Four

**A/N: Hey, guys. I feel so bad about waiting this long to update but I do have some pretty legitimate reasons and I sincerely hope all you lovely people don't hate me. A very close family member of mine died a few months ago and it's been incredibly hard to deal with and fell right around the time I was making this chapter and I just didn't have it in me or the time to finish it. I felt that I should tell you this because with nearly every story I write there's always a period where I stop posting for one reason or another and I didn't want you to think I had abandoned it. So here is a sneak peek to hold you over until I post the full chapter, it's not much but at least it's something!**

Days after James Potter's outburst in The Three Broomsticks, Lily Evans could be found in her small but cozy office located on the far side of the _Daily Prophet_ building. Anyone who passed by the young redhead would think that she was putting forth admirable effort into finishing her article on the changes made at Gringotts Wizarding Bank. Her boss would come in to check on her progress as he did every week. He would be met with the silence of which he would presume was a trait of the hard-working girl before him. He would pat her on the shoulder in a fatherly way then continue with his rounds.

But if one took the time to step into the office in which Lily Evans worked, he would find her silence worrisome and the angry red blotches that spotted her face as a sign that maybe it was not the best time to be near the usually friendly Lily Evans. Her companion, unbeknownst to her, would slowly back out of the small room, closing the door behind him so that if she wished to act on her anger, she would be able to do it in peace.

Upon even closer examination, it would become apparent that, in fact, Lily Evans wasn't working on an article at all. Accepting the advice of her good friend Alice, Lily had entered a Muggle shop near her home and purchased a leather bound journal, dark forest green in color, accompanied by a brown ribbon with which she could mark her place. Lily had filled a little over three-quarters of the journal about a boy.

This boy had made her laugh and cry. He had angered and annoyed her beyond belief. He was her first real kiss, the kind filled with so much passion it was unbearable, but at the same time a gentleness she hadn't expected he possessed. He was most definitely her first lover's quarrel, though she hadn't known at the time. This boy was sarcastic, witty, funny, and brave. He was sweet, kind, and the most loyal friend one could ever have.

He was James Potter, and Lily was furious with him.


	6. Chapter Four

**A/N: I want to apologize in advance for my late late late update. School this year took up more time than I thought. There was also a death in my family and that's been extremely difficult to deal with, so I am sorry this has taken so long. Please don't hate me. **_****Read the disclaimer, it has an important note about a section of this chapter.****_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing; credit to **_**Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Prince's Tale**_**, Chapter 33, page 671, U.S. Edition. I will be leaving the original text in, which means that Lily will essentially be talking about herself in third person, so just replace the words as you read, as well as replacing Snape with Severus. Also, anything in [ ] is a part of the book that isn't necessary to my story; I am only including it because I feel it would be wrong to leave a chunk of the original text missing.**

Days after James Potter's outburst in The Three Broomsticks, Lily Evans could be found in her small but cozy office located on the far side of the _Daily Prophet_ building. Anyone who passed by the young redhead would think that she was putting forth admirable effort into finishing her article on the changes made at Gringotts Wizarding Bank. Her boss would come in to check on her progress as he did every week. He would be met with the silence of which he would presume was a trait of the hard-working girl before him. He would pat her on the shoulder in a fatherly way then continue with his rounds.

But if one took the time to step into the office in which Lily Evans worked, he would find her silence worrisome and the angry red blotches that spotted her face as a sign that maybe it was not the best time to be near the usually friendly Lily Evans. Her companion, unbeknownst to her, would slowly back out of the small room, closing the door behind him so that if she wished to act on her anger, she would be able to do it in peace.

Upon even closer examination, it would become apparent that, in fact, Lily Evans wasn't working on an article at all. Accepting the advice of her good friend Alice, Lily had entered a Muggle shop near her home and purchased a leather bound journal, dark forest green in color, accompanied by a brown ribbon with which she could mark her place.

Lily had filled a little over three-quarters of the journal about a boy.

This boy had made her laugh and cry. He had angered and annoyed her beyond belief. He was her first real kiss, the kind filled with so much passion it was unbearable, but at the same time a gentleness she hadn't expected he possessed. He was most definitely her first lover's quarrel, though she hadn't known at the time. This boy was sarcastic, witty, funny, and brave. He was sweet, kind, and the most loyal friend one could ever have.

He was James Potter, and Lily was furious with him.

_August 28_

_ Dear Journal,_

_I've had you for a while now and I'm still not sure what I should call you. Journal? Diary? Notebook into which I confide in? I think I'll stick with journal for now; it's much better than "diary," which makes me sound like a pre-pubescent young girl. I believe I'll have to buy a new journal soon, which is a shame because I've grown quite attached to you; but I suspect by the end of the week you'll be full and I'll be forced into buying a replacement. As much as I wish that you could be filled with the mundane routine of my life or the fanciful dreams my mind produces, you are (albeit unfortunately) chock-full of James Potter. Hardly anything good, too. I somewhat apologize for this, but where else would I spill my thoughts on what a self-centered, vile person James Potter is? Alice has been busy enough attempting to please Frank's parents, who believe that no matter how successful or pretty a girl is, no one is good enough for their "little Frankie." Yes, his parents do call him that and yes, they do it in public. But enough about Frank and Alice. The reason I opened you up at work today (which under any other circumstance I would never, __ever__ do, but this was an emergency) was to talk about James Potter. Like I haven't done enough of that already, right? This is somewhat different. This is me, digging deep into the depths of my mind to answer a simple question that others wouldn't find worthy of all this writing: __**Why didn't I get angry with James? **__Granted, I am absolutely livid with him right now, but at the bar when he embarrassed me in front of __everyone__, why didn't I become mad? I hadn't felt that familiar spark that told me to prepare for a fight. It was like someone had gone and blown it out. Every other occasion I can think of, such as our first encounter on the train, to the particularly nasty scene that took place in the Great Hall in fourth year, was accompanied by that spark of fire that propelled me into __**Kill James NOW**__ mode. It was with that first encounter on the train that I knew James Potter and I would be at odds with each other for the rest of our lives (that obviously changed quite a bit, but we'll get to that later). I remember stepping through the barrier onto platform 9 ¾ and feeling an exhilarating sense of adventure pass through my small 11-year-old frame. As I scanned my surroundings, the smoke from the train partially obstructing my hungry eyes, I spotted a small head of messy black hair leaning out of the train window where an older couple was beaming up at the boy. I could only assume they were his parents. Their joy was infectious and I found myself smiling, too. The boy must have sensed me watching because he glanced my way and grinned at me. I felt myself blush (much to my chagrin now) and turned away from him to say goodbye to my own parents. I remember getting into an argument with Petunia over a letter she had sent to Dumbledore, requesting admission to the school. I then recall stepping onto the train and traveling to the third compartment on the right where the boy with the black hair was sitting with another boy. I leaned against the window and waited for Severus, reliving the exchange with my sister over and over again in my head. Then Sev came, and attempted to cheer me up by getting me excited about Hogwarts. I remember the conversation that ensued almost perfectly…_

"_**But we're going!" he said, unable to suppress the exhilaration in his voice. "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!"**_

_**She nodded, mopping her eyes, but in spite of herself, she half smiled.**_

"_**You'd better be in Slytherin," said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little.**_

"_**Slytherin?"**_

_**[One of the boys sharing the compartment, who had shown no interest at all in Lily or Snape until that point, looked around at the word, and Harry, whose attention had been focused entirely on the two beside the window, saw his father: slight, black-haired like Snape, but with that indefinable air of having been well-cared-for, even adored, that Snape so conspicuously lacked.]**_

"_**Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" James asked the boy lounging on the seats opposite him, [and with a jolt, Harry realized that it was Sirius.] Sirius did not smile.**_

"_**My whole family have been in Slytherin," he said.**_

"_**Blimey," said James, "and I thought you seemed all right!"**_

_**Sirius grinned.**_

"_**Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"**_

_**James lifted an invisible sword.**_

"'_**Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!' Like my dad."**_

_**Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned in him.**_

"_**Got a problem with that?"**_

"_**No," said Snape, although his slight sneer said otherwise. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy—"**_

"_**Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" interjected Sirius.**_

_**James roared with laughter. Lily sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sirius in dislike.**_

"_**Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."**_

"_**Oooooo…"**_

_**James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip Snape as he passed.**_

"_**See ya, Snivellus!" a voice called, as the compartment door slammed…**_

_I usually got along with people very well. My mother always said that I had a friendly demeanor; when I was a young child, she would take me to the market and I would strike up a conversation with just about everyone. But there was something about James Potter that made my hair stand on end, especially when he insulted my friend for no particular reason. Of course, this wasn't the last time that James and I were on the opposite ends of right and wrong. Up until I stopped being friends with Severus in fifth year when he called me "Mudblood," James and his cronies teased Sev mercilessly, and that made me hate him even more. If I or any of my friends had teased Sirius, or Remus, or even Peter for that matter, James Potter most certainly would have come up with the worst way to get revenge; logically, that would have been to torture one of my friends back. But I never intentionally hurt any of his friends, and he still took it upon himself to making Sev's life a living nightmare. Not to mention making me miserable every chance he got! To our fellow students at Hogwarts, it may have appeared that we "enjoyed" fighting because it got us attention and we did it so often. But to tell you the truth, it was bloody exhausting! I can't count how many times after a fight with James I would go up to my room and just pass out because all of my energy had been drained. And most of the time the stupid fights were started by his jealous arse thinking he __**owned**__ me or something. Like I can't talk to other boys! On top of torturing Severus, he would always find a way to prank any boy I ever had interest in, ruining my chances of ever having a good relationship. Just because the boy had had a crush on me ever since first year did NOT mean that I was his. Exhibit A: last night. I __**dare**__ to hug a very good friend of mine that I was excited to see, and James decides to go into "get your filthy hands off my woman" mode. I don't even care that he was drunk, he had absolutely __**NO RIGHT**__ to go and ruin things between us based on some completely ridiculous assumption that his warped and jealous mind had made. The worst part is that I know it's a lost cause to try and talk to him. He's probably so mad at me that he'd ignore me if I went and tried to find him. What has this boy done to me? Where's my Gryffindor courage that would give me the push I need to not give a damn, find the stupid boy, slap him for being an arse, and then kiss him because I can't imagine my life without him? More importantly, where's the Lily that wouldn't have cared when James left, possibly to never be seen by her again? Oh, wait. __**That**__ Lily disappeared when James Potter somehow made her fall in love with him. Bollocks._

_Until next time, journal (and I am sure there will be a next time),_

_Lily_

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been patient with me. If you're no longer subscribed to this story or don't really have interest in reading it, I completely understand and no hard feelings. Now, this may seem like a long time to you, but I am limiting myself to next month to get the next chapter up. Hopefully, giving myself a longer deadline will make me publish the chapter sooner. Until next time lovelies.**


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